03.25.08 - 11:07 pm

hey you never responded back to the thing about my friend coming.

ah well, i dont know what to say. i trust you so do what you want.

thats all you have to say?

um, did you want me to write you up a rule sheet? i dont understand what youre expecting.

no.

well, what are you looking for?

you just seem overly unconcerned. i tell you might have a boy stay with me in my one room apt, and youre like whatever! do what you want!

should i have some level of concern for either of your intentions?

i said that because i know how i would feel and i wouldnt be happy about it at all. which is why i wanted to be upfront and ask you before i planned anything. but i guess you dont care. so whatever.

well, again, i trust you. but continuing to emphasize you and him sleeping in a one bedroom apartment begins to make me suspicious of your intentions.
well just dont give me a reason to care...and i wont, ok? will you be sharing your bed? or does he get the couch?

ok. either the couch or a blow up bed.

ok.

----

hi. how are you doing?

fine i guess.

you sound...bothered.

yes. i am slightly perturbed.

how come?

im still not fond or your reaction....

ha. i knew it. listen, youre a grown up. you obviously can make good decisions. if you want me to get jealous and demand he get a hotel, it shows i dont trust you and that i think you are not able to make responsible decisions.
but, i do trust you. i do trust your judgment. but, if youre worried he may try something on you and you dont feel comfortable with him staying with you...then why would you offer to house him?
how do i show you i care, but trust you without coming across as irrational and ridiculous?

maybe. and thats probably what you thought when you responded. but it just feels very cold and unconcerned to me. like you could care less if im out with other men and like you dont get that there are MANY guys who would want to be with me. or if you do that you just dont care if i am with any of those other men.

and there are lots of girls i could be with. but telling me that is not going to make me possessive of you. if you want to see other people, do it! it means you dont really want to be with me and so im not going to pretend you do. and me being possessive isnt going to change your mind, at least i should hope not.

i dont know. i just know how i would react. for me, its like i wouldnt even want you to be in a position where you could cheat on me, ie me saying no way to you continuing to see tuesday. because i do care for you and dont want it to get fucked up. so if you said this to me, i would at least want to know the circumstances and the situation.

julie. what would have been your ideal response? i mean really, i should have just said no, he cant stay at your house and spared us this completely unnecessary dialogue on who cares more about who. this is something for russell and kara to argue over, not you and i.
it is amusing to me how deep you feel you must go in order to interpret my responses and why you choose to not accept the statements i make at face value.
do i want you to date other people? of course not. am i happy with you? yes. why do you have to look at it like i dont care about you and im simply keeping you around for convenience sake. ultimately, thats what everyone does, until a better suitor appears. its the whole purpose of dating.

and i hate it when you send me responses like that. because that just completely validates my point. your reaction is exactly this: julie i dont care what you do. in fact i dont care if you see other people. right now youre better than my other options but if i didnt have you i would still have plenty of other choices and it wouldnt be any chip off my block to date any of them rather than you. whatever.
first, yes i am laughing about this as well. second nothing is taken at face value. no words ever mean exactly the definition. thats why we have things like intonation, gestures and CONTEXT. which is how people interpret meaning. third, discussions are part of any relationship. were never going to agree about everything so when i feel something, i also feel inclined to discuss it.

that was your best response yet. thank you. i do not wish to hinder your ability to express your concerns. you are a wonderful woman and i want you to know youre definitely appreciated.

i dont agree with your view on dating. i dont date people just to fill time until i find something better. and i say that about you all the time because i often feel like you are actively engaging in that sort of dating with me. like at any time you could be like "peace julie. stacy moved to town and i like her more." i think dating is about finding yourself, testing compatabilities and enjoying another persons perspective. you always seem to be on the lookout for something better.
...so at times like this when i ask you important questions and you respond with complete disinterest, i get insecure and feel like kara and russell. i feel like i want more than what youll ever want and am expecting more from you than what you want to give.

and i dont really even know at any given time. i just know im happy now. im challenged now. im satisfied now. and im a selfish prick.

well i feel very cautious right now because i have deep feelings for you. and i feel at this point i deserve some security. and that you should know more than you do. i dont want to accept "im a selfish prick" from the guy ive been dating for 7 months.

julie. I LIKE YOU!!!

i know you like me. i know you care for me. but i dont want someone who is always looking back at the things hes missing by being with me. i want someone who is only into me and willing to let things play out and see where they go with ME before they start looking in other directions for other people. you said you didnt thing you were ready for a serious relationship and i probably should have listened to you. but thats what i want.