11.07.08 - 12:06 am

in eight hours i begin a scientific study. an official one.

this one doesnt include self induced poison oak, just to see what happens.
this one doesnt include self induced nutmeg, just to see if its like cocaine.

i answered a craigslist ad, referred to me by a sphinx. ive met with the doctors twice, and this is what it will include:

OHSU.

two week low fat diet. i can only eat the food provided for me. breakfast. lunch. dinner. snacks. all the food i need to eat for two whole weeks. im not allowed to eat an extra, non preselected chip, nor a single drop of life giving A1. a PhD dietician has come up with my daily caloric needs and will provide for me a low fat diet with just the right amount of protein and carbohydrates so that i will gain nor lose weight during these two weeks. ill just maintain. what i thought was going to be rubbermade tubs of oatmeal colored paste will infact be carefully prepared meals containing a variety of edible items. sandwhiches. fruits. cereals. bagels. two weeks. ill keep a little journal to jot down my appetite, physical effects, hairloss, etc. ill meet three times a week to eat breakfast with my doctors, and get the next several days worth of food.

then, ill fast the night of the 14th day. ill come in the night before and in the morning, ill be hooked up to an IV. for the next 13 hours they will take a blood sample every 30 minutes. ill get to read, watch tv and wander around the hospital carrying around one of those wheeled IV bag racks. then, i go home, and eat pretty much whatever i want. i can go back to drinking beers. A1. i can get back to my regular life of steaks. pastas. steaks.

i can do this for six weeks. before the high fat diet starts up.

mayonaise. nuts. chili. butter. i dont really know. but ive been told ill feel uncomfortable. two weeks of this. then fast. thirteen hours of wheeled IV bag racks. six weeks off.

week three. i dont remember what this is. control week? average fat foods? i dont know. same routine though.

at the end of this whole process i will have consumed six weeks of free food. and not just measily meals. six weeks of meals that will not let me get hungry. not let me lose weight. just the right amount.

six weeks of free food. and SIX HUNDRED DOLLARS! $200 per stay at the hospital.

benefits:
- ill get to know how my body utilizes grehlin, the hormone that controls appetite.
- ill be forced to eat things like nuts, chili, bagels, cream cheese, fruits and other items that normally would not enter my currently malnourished body.
- six hundred dollars.
- six weeks of free food.

the most difficult sacrifices will be no more steak sauce, no more cavenders greek seasoning and no more PBRs, which ive grown quite accustomed to lately.

but ive already discovered that almonds are quite delicious.