03.12.09 - 8:36 pm

when i got the email, i knew she was working things out in her favor.

she suggested i take ashton friday night at 7, when i got off work and then keep him until i drop him off at school tuesday at noon. this would be every other week.

eight nights a month. its what i get right now, only with her plan i wouldnt see ashton for twelve days in between.

not acceptable. not part of the 50/50 plan im pushing for.

she arrived alone. and when wendy brought me back to her office, i could already see a pair of folded legs and a bobbing shoe.

we would only use 50 minutes of our allotted two hours.

she arrived bitter, resentful and selfish. she decided she was going to be firm on ashton not being switched during the school week. thats just the way it was going to be. she said so.

she repeatedly insinuated that my apartment inferior to hers. that somehow i lacked all the facets of a "home" whereas she did not.

"...i have a husband, ashton has a new little baby brother that hes attached to, he has his school here, we have different, very different rules than....what you have at...your place."

she said that staying with me more would disrupt ashtons psychology and would be damaging. sarah emphasized the same four points repeatedly, except she couldnt never expand on them. they were merely talking points.

buzz words.

consistency. she likes the schedule weve had.

how its been. she claimed that ashton has always lived with her, since day one.

school. she said my parenting schedule interrupted his school. that she was thinking of ashton in first grade and beyond, not just kindergarten like i was doing. i informed her that ashtons teacher told me there was no reason for concern with ashton being switched midweek as weve been doing, and that ashton would do just fine.

theres alot of psychology involved. this was her go-to explanation for why a sudden scheduling switch would be damaging to ashton.

so i pushed her on these, i needed to hear her explanations. i started with her continued insistence that ashton would struggle spending more time with me. she could only rephrase that it just would affect him. when she couldnt come up with an answer, i pressed her to list specific examples of how changing our parenting schedule and more time with me would negatively affect ashton.

"how do you deal with change? how does any one deal with changes? it just wont be good for ashton and thats my opinion on that. just because i dont have facts and figures and data to prove to you."

"and thats fine and i dont need facts and figures, but you cant give me any specific examples because there arent any problems that would affect ashton by getting to spend more time with me. im asking you to tell me what you think the problems would be. and you cant do it. i dont need a wife or another child in my household in order to be a good parent. i feel as though this is you simply being unreasonable and selfish."

she scoffed alot. got angry and declared that she was only doing whats best for ashton, not her or myself. all of this was only in ashtons best interest. her voice cracked and quivered in such a way that i couldnt tell if she was about to cry at times or start laughing at me. the mediator gently asked me to stop my questioning of her because she said it sounded too much like an interrogation. i was very disappointed in that decision. i felt like i was doing a fantastic job of allowing sarah to express just how selfish and unreasonable she was being.

so we threw around our preferred schedules again. i originally pushed for tuesday at 7 to thursday at noon. then every other weekend i would get friday at 7 to monday at noon.

sarah did not like that plan. it broke up the week too much and made ashton "bounce around" too much.

her proposal was friday at 7 til tuesday at noon. alternating.

i did not like that because it wasnt nearly enough time. i said i would only agree to it if i had tuesday at 7 through thursday at noon. i even was willing to make that alternate with the weekend schedule. i would get 12 nights a month and sarah would get 16. she said she would only agree to that if i forfeited the 24 hours after i dropped ashton off at noon on mondays.

absolutely not. why? why take away that 24 hours? why was she being so ridiculously stubborn and unreasonable?

"so just so i feel like we are all on the same page, is it fair to say that jordans plan is more geared towards a 50/50 schedule and sarah wants to maintain her house as ashtons home and doesnt want equal parenting time?"

"yes," sarah said.

we obviously werent going to agree on parenting schedules. wendy, our mediator, emphasized that it was absurd to go to court over 24 hours. that our schedules were very close to each others. that court is costly and ugly, but it was an option that some people chose to pursue. sarah wouldnt budge. so we sat in silence until i said, then lets discuss custody for a while.

full or joint.

i wanted joint. it just made sense. i asked her if she knew what joint custody meant. if she was aware that joint custody means that both parents are legally able to make decisions for their child.

"theres nothing to discuss about custody actually, ive always had full custody and thats just the way its going to be. im very firm on that."

i tried to explain to her she would be losing nothing if she agreed to joint custody, that if nothing else, it would just force her to be more communicative and agreeable when making decisions. that it takes nothing away from her. i explained that secondary input is always better than a dictatorship.

she still adamantly refused.

more seething silence.

"i think thats it then for today. i dont recommend you come back for mediation unless youre willing to have a fresh look on your ideas. we dont encourage people to come back if youre stuck," wendy the mediator announced. i liked her, i really did. i was frustrated not at her neutrality but her lack of reasonable compassion. i wanted to slap her and ask her how could she sit there and listen to sarah selfish and unfounded ramblings and not validate me at all?

after listening to sarah go on and on about how shes made all the decisions for ashton about school, doctors and sports and how i have done nothing to initiate. how i missed his school pictures because my alarm went off late. how i missed his soccer pictures because i forgot. she went on and on trying to convince our neutral mediator and turn her against me. i did not counter her claims because i knew i had no one to convince except sarah. i reminded her "...that irregardless of what the mediator thinks, you and i are here to work this out between ourselves. and youre sitting there telling me that ashton will experience negative effects in getting to spend more time with me.

how can you say he wont be enriched by staying with me more?"

"well he wont. theres just alot of psychology involved."

and that was that. nothing more to say. nothing to work out. i held the door for her as we left and she stood ignoring me pretending to do important things on her phone.

ill call my lawyer tomorrow. hes about to make a lot of money.