06.08.09 - 9:20 am

torture.

hrmph. ive been tortured, said the brain dismissively one day.

but not like this.

not like this.

i decided to stay awake after julie left this morning. i wanted to have a productive morning over a cup of coffee. i had a nice long list of things to accomplish all eager to be checked off.

and then it started.

an itch. an itch firestorm. an itch cluster bombing. a super atomic itch cluster bombing. a super atomic itch cluster bomb covered in poison oak and scabies.

yeah, i think that last one describes it pretty well. or close enough.

i shouted obscenities. i jumped up and down. i patted my chest with a cotton shirt. i pressed myself into pillows. i took a shower. i lathered myself in moisturizer. when i couldnt take it anymore i hastily walked to safeway, touching my unrelenting chest the entire way. i bought gold bond medicated cream. i bought a generic safeway brand. returning home was a blur. i coated myself in the white creams and begged for their effectiveness. to no avail. i angrily applied more, and then went for the towels. i soaked one in cool water and then wrapped it around an icepack.

relief. cool, blissful relief. temporary, but at least the insane loss of physical control waned. i can breath without screaming. i can move my hands away from the skin of my chest.

and i can compose myself enough to write.

this better not last more than a day. i fear sleeping tonight will be an impossibility. as will work tomorrow if this keeps up.

maybe ill take up prayer today.