12.28.09 - 8:45 am

im plowing through my life at an unstoppable speed. the days events flashing by, only visible if i stop to glimpse as they pass.

there was my birthday at gypsy. lots of people showed and i was very pleased. i forgot alans name and felt like it annoyed him. my father and gregg came out, as did my sister jillian. i created a beard sandwhich between the far more established growths of billy and bud. and with them, i drained a fishbowl of liquor and sweets in a single sip from our three straws. this would later prove foolish, as i would vomit this and my calamari a half hour later on my way home.

then there was sunriver. a seemingly endless drive at high speeds through wet curves lined with snow at the control of the brains able maneuvering. i invited my step brother thinking we would stay at the house the entire weekend, but would later find myself alone with him while everyone else drove to bend for the bars. so many farts. awful awful smelling flatulence. bombardment from all sides. we would all see avatar one afternoon, and come to spend the rest of our time there discussing how amazing it turned out to be.

there were the discussions with collin about coming up with several thousand dollars to appease him and his partners at the firm. just a sickening amount of money. and every bit of it unnecessary. robbed from me and my grandfather by sarah. in november my bill was $8300. collin offered to make it $7000 if i could pay by the end of the year. but then we jumped at the chance of getting emergency custody and that increased my debts. soon i found myself looking at needing to come up with $10,500 to finally wrap up my custody battle for ashton. if i could come up with $8000, he would drop almost $2500 of my balance. now all i had to do was figure out how to do that in three weeks.

there was the brief time period of my grandfathers failing health. the removal of his 84 year old gall bladder, his stay in the hospital. the problems with the catheter, the trips back and forth to the hospital that i eagerly appreciated being able to do. it was great having him at my moms anytime i stopped by. he lost weight. he was in pain. and then with a velcro catheter leg strap and some antibiotics, he was back home and it was like it had never happened.

then christmas. what a flurry of money spending, wrappings, the shame of not being able to afford gifts for everyone. ashton did very well this year, with plenty of help from julie. i attempted to redeem myself for my absolute lack of gifts or recognition of julie last year. and then there was all the driving. from my house to my moms for christmas eve dinner. then my moms to julies sisters in portland for another dinner and to get ashton. then back to our house. christmas morning at our house, then to my moms. from my moms to my grandfathers to get him his christmas cards he forgot. then to camas washington for dinner at julies aunt and uncles house. then to my fathers. then back to our house. lots of gifts. lots of food. lots of people.

then a delicious dinner with julie at departure. a restaurant best described by the term "swanky". something out of a larger, more renowned metropolis. delectable foods, expensive wines, superb atmosphere. also an attempt at redemption for neglecting this important day for julie last year.

and now...oversized sweaters and pajama pants. coffee and unshowered mornings. things can slow down. piece by piece the house comes back to resembling a living place and not a department store in shambles. things to do. things to get done. with only new years looming in the days to come.

find me a job 2010, find me a job.