01.13.10 - 8:42 am

sarah.

for eight years she was the most difficult person in my life to deal with. and i kept at it. this is very well documented.

then she served me with a petition for custody.

she wrapped this around her like a protective blanket. taunted and mocked and retreated behind it. she dragged me around between the moments i spent with ashton. threatening to take him from me. assuring me she would prevail. any concern i brought up was retaliated with scorn, blame and denial. my car wasnt safe enough. my apartment wasnt nice enough. my job wasnt good enough. i loathed her existence. i gritted my teeth every time i had to see her. my heart raced with discomfort every time i saw her calling on my phone.

and then one day, she stopped.

she called me crying on the phone one night. dusty and her were dissolving, and not quietly. she needed someone, anyone, to be there for her. if not for her, at least as a parent. unfortunately, next to dusty, i am the only one still tethered to her by a permanent biological cable.

around the time i received a letter detailing the finalization of my custody dispute, sarah was adjusting to living without dusty. and with these two changes came a brand new sarah. one i hadnt experienced in almost eight years.

she was receptive. she was pleasant. she was jovial. she laughed. she made jokes. she acknowledged me in positive terms.

i narrowed my eyes.

things continued this way for consecutive days. so i felt comfortable enough to write sarah a lengthy letter listing out some parental concerns i had regarding ashtons behavior. she responded not with retaliatory remarks about my faults, but with complete agreement. i loosened my guard. she called to ask if we could meet up to discuss my concerns and have a conversation.

we met at obriens pub in tigard. i ordered a drop top. she, a glass of wine and a glass of water.

we had a two hour discussion. we talked about ashton. about dusty. about her. she explained things from her perspective, or at least the perspective she imagines. she apologized. she took responsibility.

i told her i still hated her guts.

she claims that dusty continually manipulated her into believing i was a monster. that i needed to be stopped. that she should do everything she could to keep as much custody of ashton as possible. that she should denigrate me. devalue me as a father. he would do the same. to me and to ashton. combined they worked at lifting up the experiences ashton would have with them, and immediately dismiss ashtons time with me.

it wasnt until dusty was out of the house and she pulled away from his lies and manipulations that she started to realize how cocooned shed been.

my eyes narrowed again.

looking back at our initial mediation, back when i expected my experience to be no more than a few thousand dollars in attorney fees, it was sarah who was sitting refusing to cooperate with parenting times. it was sarah who claimed i was never around. that i never took responsibility for ashton. it wasnt dusty. it was the same attitude shed been harboring for years.

but she now claims things are different. when dusty petitioned her for custody of their son arthur, dusty began to badger her in a way that reminded her of how poorly she had treated me. or so she claims. she feels bad about how long our custody case went on. or so she claims. shes sorry.

or so she claims.

whatever her angle is, whether it be to sweeten me up so ill watch ashton for her while she works, or fill my head with pleasantries so that i wont continue to seek ways of retrieving custody, i cant say. she talks to me like a person on the phone. shes warm and courteous in person. shes communicative. shes encouraging.

whatever this is, its a welcomed change. its what ive wanted from the beginning. a parental partner. someone i can work with instead of against. it was so taxing constantly repairing the damage she caused to ashton. it was far more responsibility than julie signed up for.

so whatever this is we are now finally doing cooperatively, i hope it lasts.