01.14.10 - 11:12 am

when i find over a hundred dollars in my bank account, immediately my mind races through my bills and debts. i toil briskly with panic.

who havent i paid. what bill is lingering underneath a stack of papers somewhere.

i pull out my yellow pad of paper. on one side i write down all the income ill be receiving for the rest of the month.

unemployment.
maintenance accounts.

on the other side i write out all the payments i have to make.

rent.
water/sewer
electricity.
gas.
garbage.
credit card.
cell phone.
grandfather.
child support.

i subtract the totals of each. this is the number i have to keep a close eye on. gas. food. recreation. often times, ill forgo eating while im out running errands to maintain this number.

theres a job out there. a job that pays $3000 a month. ill take more, but id rather not settle for less. ive been too lazy about this job hunting process. im sure there is a creative way out there i can inject myself into some sort of career.

but first, i need a motivation injection.