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04.19.11 - 10:20 pm those ants. they scurry over my fingers like insecure bumper cars, unable to commit to any path before the slightest whisper from my finger tip ends their existence. they're every where up here. desk. carpet. bed. downstairs too. i find their corpses stuck to all sorts of things under my aquarium. what could they possibly have been looking for there? early explorers, cost benefit analysis. the juice was not worth the squeeze. sunshine soundtrack again. just the music. for weddings. for death. solace in audible fluid poured directly into some obscure visual memory bank in my head. in between key strokes, flashes of imagery from movies, experiences and experiences i imagined i participated in movies. kanadas death and sunshine (adiagio in d minor). who am i saving this time? myself? ashton and myself? the entire list of passengers from both flight 11 and 175? occasionally there is a grappling hook fired from north tower into the south tower, secured around a support beam and used as a zip line between the two buildings. these thoughts occur daily. typically hans simmers "injection" is reserved especially for these delusions. i stumbled across another marriage failed. i grow more and more weary of the thought. its not a goal for adulthood. unless you need a divorce under your belt to feel like an accomplished adult. its a short term commitment with a huge price tag both at the beginning and the end. im sorry they always end. there are a few of you out there who i secretly insist make it till death do you part, you're holding on to the last ribbons of hope i have for the entire institution of marriage.
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