02.09.14 - 8:58 pm

this is the last night in our graven street house....as we know it. well, maybe last night was. tonight is random pillows and blankets, pulled from a bag made entirely of plastic plaid. last night at least i had my own sheets and a memory foam pillow.

my house is in complete disarray. towers of boxes. poorly taped. poorly written labels describing poorly packed contents. half of this stuff i dont need. im confident that someone could lose most of these boxes en route to florida and i would never even need to replace their inventory. i wish it were that simple. i wonder how much of this stuff will make landfall in florida unscratched and uncracked and uncrushed after a three thousand mile journey.

julie is stressed. shes overwhelmed. she multitasks so much at work and in life, that this entire process is creating too much anxiety for her to handle. i am better equipped for projects like this because i can prioritize one item at a time. finish one, move on to the next. she doesnt even know where to begin. she vents her frustration by telling ashton he cant sleep with a fan on because it uses too much electricity.

however, shes not wrong in her despair. the amount still left to do is truly daunting. in spite of a mountain of cardboard and packing tape, the kitchen is littered with things. the garage is still flowing with saltwater and electricity. this will all be easier when i have a moving truck to put stuff on. as boxes are moved and cleared to reveal nets of woven hair amongst three years of heavy traffic carpet fibers. when the walls are bare enough to see only nail holes and finger prints. when all that remains is this husk of a home....then i will be able to relax.

but only by 75%.

i still have expensive rare animals in subpar conditions right now. they have to stay there until the 17th. seven days. i hate it. this flushes anxiety through my veins in a way not much else is capable of. and i do it to myself. i could have sold all of these things and removed any semblance of anxiety from this entire moving experience. but instead, i choose to attach myself emotionally to animals in the way that an artist adores his colors.

so to mitigate my distress, i involve myself in mindless video games. i sap myself of the very same creativity i berate my son for not exhibiting. and delay any motivation for a later time.