06.21.14 - 11:00 am

dogs jobs and fish.

yesterday my family put our dog chloe to sleep. she had been enduring health problems for the last several months with hospital stays and visits, and yesterday she just had had enough. she had been weak all morning and a seizure brought her to the vet where they told my mom her kidneys had effectively shut down. i was on my lunch break when whitney called.
the initial excitement of receiving a mid day facetime call immediately waned when i saw my grieving family members softly petting a quiet little mass of hair between them. i had been in this exact spot before, years ago, the scenario and tears the same, only the dog was different. technology allowed ashton, julie and i to be there in the moment, see her for the last time and at some level i hope she heard us saying hi to her. the great distance between me and my family made it difficult to connect emotionally to the moment, but it pains me to know i now live in a world without a chloe waiting to greet me at my moms house. she was a wonderful family member, an irreplaceable element of visiting my family home. more cat like in behavior than dog, chloe was the sweetest little shadow. while petting her as she lay on her side, if you stopped, she would gently paw your hand to encourage you to continue. chloe would follow you room to room, refusing to be alone if she could help it.

oh chloe.

work is increasingly getting busier for me. im taking on more marketing projects, bringing things to work on at home and gathering a collection of loyal customers. i calculated out all the orders i have contributed to since i was hired and its somewhere near $50k. i dont know if thats good for four months of work during the slowest season of the year, but its just a number. im constantly internally justifying my work insecurities by thinking of things i have done to improve the company in my short time here. im very much enjoying my work. i enjoy the company. i thoroughly enjoy what we do. i just want to be effective and right now i just dont feel that way. perhaps its the inconsistent nature of sales. perhaps my boss thinks i really am doing great things and my feelings are unwarranted. i was told by the VP that their goal is to grow the business 20-30% year over year. thats close to $900,000 worth of revenue im supposed to be motivating my team to achieve. is there that much more business out there to acquire with our stagnant product line, increased competition and our ever increasing overhead? if i was rob williams i could do it.

so i finally filled my fish tank with fish. ive added animals i havent seen in person. i added fish that i have wanted for years. and i quarantined none of them. but it certainly looks awesome. im very happy. i hope we dont have to move for a very long time. or if we do, its the last time i move for the next ten years.