09.13.14 - 10:43 am

ashton at 11.
in mid 2014 ashton changed dramatically. and im not sure what caused it. to me, hed always been a delightful person to be around. and the frustrating parts were always dismissed as "part of the job". he was very self orientated, not unnatural i suppose for a boy of his age. his wants. his needs. his rules. his arguments in protest to my rules were always like those of an 18 year old on the cusp of leaving home and independence. but he was not 18, he was 10, and his arguments were immediately invalidated.
no you cant date a suicidal 14 year old.
no you cant play any video rated M game you want whenever you want.
no you dont need an iphone just because everyone else has one.
no you dont get to talk to me like that just because your friends are around.
these battles were fought frequently, and ended in his temporary resentment of me and the rules julie and i impose. but in the morning, he would wake and things would be mostly back to normal. the boy did his chores as we expected, he helped out around the house when asked and every other parent made sure to let us know how polite and helpful he is. but there was attitude. there was a self assured cockiness that was nearly intolerability.

but then he left for oregon for a month following his 11th birthday.

and when he came back, there was a marked difference in his behavior, particularly in how he treated julie. now when he asks us how our day was, what we did at work, theres genuine interest. the tone of his voice when he sees me come home and says hi is enthusiastic and lovely. he tells julie goodnight and with affection. there are a lot more hugs. when we asked him to help our elderly neighbors across the street, he agreed willingly and with a sense of responsibility. he listens better. the level of smart ass has subsided. maybe these things are too subtle to describe here, but they were noticeable. they are felt. and greatly appreciated. particularly by julie.

so what happened out there? what did he experience that rewired his behavior?

i suspect it had something to do with his mom. the unpredictable and disconnected experiences he has with her and her side of the family. contrasting the comfort of knowing he has people he can depend on at our home. this is conjecture. there are those on his moms side of the family that genuinely care for him and miss him. but regardless of its causes, its been a delightful last few months and i hope it continues even into his teenage years. id rather just skip past all that impending bullshit all together.