02.20.02 - 8:02 pm (3:50am)

this really wasnt written at this time, but, had it been so, one would come to the conclusion that today is at least semi interesting in the grand scheme of things.

20/02/2002 - 20:02

last time this happened was in 1111 ad. one thousand eight hundred ninety one years ago. beaches didnt have oil on them back then.

even excellent health only postpones death. you are mortal. you will die.

unconsciously this thought lingers in my mind. but today when i read those two sentences, when i typed them out, they surfaced as a slightly more important issue. i am capable of death. i will die. for sure. definite. its almost as if i have received secret information, like i know something im not supposed to about the future. the future can not be known or predicted because it hasnt happened yet. but i do know this one thing. and what a formidable one thing it is. most every persons dream is to live their life like a hero, coming to rest in an old favorite chair at the end of the day, sighing softly, maybe patting your grandchild on the head and telling him to go play. you gently close your eyes, the feeling of warmth and closure coming together in your satisfied mind, and.....death. this would please me as an acceptable way to end my life, content with my deeds and pleased with the results of the experiment known as my existence. regardless of the painless death or the demise of unimaginable pain, there are two deaths for every person. the body is a mere slave of the mind. it is weak and as dependent as a small child. the brain is an organism all of itself, gestating inside the skull like the body of a queen termite, unable to move or care for herself as she carries the burden of continuing her hives existence.

where does the mind go then, once the body has abandoned it?

i imagine conscienceness to be like the cb radios that truck drivers use. a mass of radio waves saturating everything, you pick up the reciever, you hold down the little button on the side of the microphone, and you speak. across the void of these airwaves, you listen to silence for a few moments before another voice responds. suddenly youre connected with another being. in the next lane on the freeway, or 2900 miles stopped at a fred meyer parking lot for the night.

everything that your mind has accumulated throughout your life joins a collective mass of other consciencenesses. where everythought is heard by who ever cares to listen. and you just instantaneously lose your self actualization and are spread over this mass of thought like butter over bread. you join the billions of other forms of life, forms of thought, forms of being that have ceased to exist in the physical form and now just.....are.

something like that anyways.

...as a rule, a song indicates, "here i am. i am a male of ________ species...if you are a female of my species, please come closer. if you are a male of my species and you can hear me, you are too close. if i find you, ill attack."