02.25.02 - 2:08 am

i left a girls house tonight feeling a strong sense of apathy and carelessness. i imagined myself never seeing that girl again, and being completely content with that fate. i was uncomfortable. i was thinking. i was bothering myself.

i thought of driving to california. and how easily i could do it, just to turn around and drive back here the next day just for the experience.

but what annoys me the most is that unfamiliarity is so far away. to get to the unknown you have to pass through the tangible. and by the time i do that, i usually lose interest. the unknown is always far away.

day 7 of the mustache. its become awkward. its apparent people wish me to shave when they talk to me. their faces are cringed just enough for me to notice. between 7 and 12 more days left. i know tomorrow im going to feel like a jerk.

the last things i heard vocalized tonight were:

"ok, goodnight."

"you should put some A1 and a steak in a blender, mix it all up, maybe put some vanilla ice cream in there. you know, make it like a milkshake or a slurpee. mmmm. that would be good. no it wouldnt. it would be awful. actually itd taste so good when i pooped it out, id eat it again. i wonder if thats ever been said before. 'sometimes my meal tastes so good i poop it out and eat it again....'"