03.10.02 - 1:56 am

at this very moment im talking to that girl i fancy. i feel an immense load of the emotion that basically i can only described as "damn, i feel like shit." im for the most part being told that im not sufficient enough. but in that clever little way girls use with the sentence, "i dont know." if theres one thing i hate worse than shaving its talking about ex boyfriends.

im now faced with the choice: do i continue to talk to this girl even though she isnt nearly as good at expressing herself as i need right now thus causing me frustration and soon followed by anger and then attitude and then i hate yous and dont talk to mes and etc. or i can just say, "hey look, how about i just leave you alone for a while, you take some time and just think about things and come to some conclusions about yourself and what you want." i could always do that. but wheres the adventure? wheres the edge of your seat anxiety at what could be said next? where could the story change? in a sense im watching a real world episode starring me. im white knuckled to see where this episode will take the characters involved. how their relationships will play out. and while im living this imaginary episode, its still fun to sit back and think like a television audience watching waiting anticipation and enjoying.

er something like that.

most days i wish i could wake up, clamber over the clothes on my floor, hop in the shower, dress, feed my fish, put on my shoes, hop on my bike and ride around completely comfortable with the knowledge that there was no people around in the entire world because i had simply thought them out of existence.

yeah. i wonder what i will dream tonight.

have your fun while youre alive. you wont get nothin when you die. have a good time all the time. because you wont get nothin when you die.