07.15.02 - 12:53 am

so i had a towel on my shoulder today while i squatted down and fiddled with some lightbulbs on a shelf. stacey approached from the east. she approached hastily, but i kept my eyes forward, not encouraging contact. but it was unaffective. the towel was deftly removed from my shoulder and then noosed around my neck. choking sounds were mimicked by stacey and then she laughed and walked off mumbling something to herself.

i was shocked. shocked and amazed. and suddenly very uncomfortable. stacey my manager. the homicidal maniac.

sarah laid on top of me uncomfortably as we talked about her in 80 years and how she will still know her friend gabby. she said something about about me and had a voice of surprise about knowing me still then. or something to that affect.. and i was struck with the obvious yet uncomfortable realization that her and i will break up. theres a clock somewhere counting down to a set date and at this point in our relationship it bothers me. i smile to think that i could marry sarah and how enjoyable she would be to watch her age and mature to raise our children to have her to be legally required to wake up next to. as it is now saying goodbye to her is a process. it takes about 15 minutes from the time she says i have to go to the time my fingers slip from hers and she turns away towards her truck. thats what i love.

sleeping next to sarah, and then having to wake up next to no one night after night is frustrating. sleeping next to her, even though she always seems so uncomfortable, watching her rest, seeing her smile with her eyes closed is a part of my life right now that i dont want to share or trade.

running my fingers over sarahs hands reminds me just how good it feels to not have andi around.

depression is hard to talk someone out of through instant messenger.