10.14.03 - 12:45 am

dear mrs. thornton,

hi. ive been involved with your family now for over a year. ive logged over several months worth of experience with you and all of your daughters, your husband, your son, and most importantly, your daughter sarah. ive seen your marriage dissolve. ive seen your daughter change from one type of person into another. ive made your daughters laugh, ive made ben cry. ive played with your dog. ive taken out your garbage, and burned your papers. ive tried to be as courtious and respectful of your family as a non family member could be. ive tried to show you that i care about your daughter sarah more than anyone has ever cared for her before. ive come to you with my concerns before, but only after weeks of biting my tongue and holding back everything i feel. im in an incredible disposition as of right now. one where i can stand back from you and your children and observe things from a more imperical approach.

and it turns my stomach.

the things in my head. the things i know. the things that you ignore that are so blatantly apparent. your family is crumbling at your feet, and you dont make any effort to pick up the pieces. you dont make any effort to even notice the shards of your children begging for help.

is it that they hide it so well? is it that sarahs addiction problem is so easily glazed over with lies that you cant see the severity of her situation? does rachel really seem like a normal happy teenager? do you think that abby will grow up without any emotional baggage dumped on her from you and your husband and her two older siblings?

what do you think?

how can you not see the self destruction your daughters impose to themselves. how can you ignore the smoking, the drinking, the carelessness.

how can you excuse it so easily? do you not talk to your daughters? do you not ask them about how they grew up? things that happened when youre not around? things that happen when no one is around? how they feel about their lives? how they feel about themselves? why they do the things they do? what the scars mean? what depression looks like? what addiction looks like?

your family doesnt have to be perfect, but it does deserve to be happy. it does deserve a passionate and observant mother. it deserves someone who can pull them out from all the hurt they have swelling inside of them and give them what they need: help. emotional. social. physical. they need you. they need a psychiatrist. i dont like pills. but they at least need someone to listen. someone to offer them a direction. someone to know how they feel. someone who knows everything. and i mean everything.

someone who will do something.

i feel i know more about your family than you do. and it only makes me hate it that much more. it burns an iron peg through my heart. i cant do anything because its not my place. i cant say anything because im not there all of the time. i cant do anything because i dont know everything.

"look whos talking, look at your family. your parents divorced. your dad cheated on your mom. your father is gay. your sister drinks all the time. you mom has issues."

i can however, say something because i know one important fact: i know what feels right and what feels wrong.

and everything in your family doesnt feel right. do something about it. please. do something about it for the people who care about sarah and ashton. do it for the people who care about rachel. do it for the people who for so long have just accepted that how your family is turning out is just what happens to anyone.

dont let me feel so helpless, so trapped anymore. i want to shout everything you dont know that is just begging to explode from behind my tongue.

i want to give up. i want to walk away and let anything and everything happen to your family. it would be easier for me not to. its harder to let go than it is to hold on.

think about this, sincerely.

i wish you knew how much i mean to tell you this.