08.28.04 - 11:02 am

last night, i dreamt that i was to pick up my 13 month old son from a clinic designed to test and challenge young children from any age with their intelligence. it was used to help them learn to express themselves emotionally, artistically and intellectually. my bill for one day was $88. but i didnt have to pay until the end of the session, which could have been months for all i know.

i turned down brightly colored hallways, cheerful people in corridors, and opened a heavy door into a large warehouse sized room. the floors were all padded with blue soft rubbery material. the walls were chalkboard like, and a few other children waiting for their parents to pick them up were scribbling on it with thick pieces of chalk. there was a parent couple present too, the female part laying down on the mat resting, the male laying down next to her right after he scribbled down, "until i met you, i was half a man, half a person." they must have been waiting for their toddler to come out of the same room i was waiting for ashton to come out of. inside the warehouse sized room, there was a smaller little box like room. this was a more intensive area for infants and toddlers. and ashtons.

i was handed a sheet of paper explaining what they had done that day and there were boxes checked for ashtons behavior. right now i cant remember what was checked, but basically that he had been fussy, but also decent for his age group.

i sat down on the mat and faced the door from several feet away just looking at the play blue rubberized play structures inside the large room and just waited. the door opened, and i could see a tall pair of legs, and stumbling from between them was ashton. he looked wide eyed and worried. he finally saw me and with his little beady teeth said "da da!" and started running towards me. only he didnt smile like he usually did when saying my name. he just looked, concerned. scared even. not because of me, but because of that place. what did they do to him in there?

he came up and hugged me, just like he had when he got back from massachusettes.....

......side note: when he got back from massachusettes with sarah and i arrived at her fathers house to see them, he came up and hugged me for thirty minutes straight. he just didnt want to let go. he held tight. head rested against my chest. he just wanted me to hold him. it was a wonderful feeling......

.....so while he was hugging me in this large play room, for some reason i was just overwhelmed with happiness seeing him. like i missed him something terrible. i started to cry. i was just incredibly happy to see him and be holding him. i was excited about leaving this place and taking him home. i was happy he was spending the night. sarah wasnt going to be there. but she was letting me keep him for the day into the evening.

i dont know. it was just a special dream.