09.01.04 - 6:42 pm

stress. anger. reinforcements.

im currently suffering through the consequences of the poorest decision that i had no part in making.

"doesnt he know that you take care of a baby every day by yourself?"

um, look, you decided to have a baby. i dont care that you have to spend your days taking care of a baby and trying to make your life work. this is what you signed up for when you decided to stay pregnant.

every misfortune that befalls you, every night you cant go out and have a social life, every time you have to miss work because you cant find a babysitter, when youre broke and cant pay your bills, when you cant date, when you cant , when you are angry that you dont get to sleep because of an ear infection, when all you want is a nap, when you are going to be only 17 years older than your son....i want you to relish in that. you can tell me that it wont phase you. that you dont care that i hope these things and that i have to sacrifice because hes my son.

that i have a responsibility. an obligation. that it doesnt matter what i think anymore or feel.

because my life is no longer my life. what i want is no longer important. i didnt chose this. i didnt want this. i wanted to be happy. i wanted my life to go as i wanted it. i wanted to travel. have money. date girls. do things. laugh. have fun with friends in college.

instead i have a house filled with a screaming baby while sarah is moving to a city where she is unemployed.

i scorn you sarah. i resent you fucking up my life. i will always hate you for this.

but i love this little boy.