09.07.04 - 10:01 am

so ive been dying of west nile now for three days. this is day three. ive come now to adore my little plague, and cherish my final moments of agony curled up with her under my sheets, chills and nausea consuming me. nothing compares to the great amount of disappointment one feels when you discover that euthenasia cannot be sold over the counter at safeway.

so i settled for safeway select brands of dayquil and nyquil. the nyquil, as helpful as im sure it is, tastes more like poison than anything else i can remember swallowing. and let me tell you, it allows me a few hours of sleep before spontaneously waking up completely alert throughout the night. and then the misery of trying to fall back asleep at 1:30 3:45 and 5:20 am, praying i dont wake up another time.

and i didnt, until 9:30 or so. and let me tell you, my body is done with the horrendous aches. i dont feel anymore chills. the nausea has subsided. the fatigue feels gone as well.

but one last little precious gift remains. my throat. swollen, butchered from the inside out. so very lovely a thing to let linger. i mean what would have been so terrible to have the fatigue be the last to go? i like sleeping. what about leaving behind chills? its not so bad to put on a sweater and ball up under covers when its 84 degrees in your room.

but no.

everytime i swallow, the back of my dry tongue scrapes against torn and exposed flesh at the back of my throat. i simply cannot find myself any more displeased.

and due to my disease and lack of energy to do more than just cook and make terrible messes strewn about the house for the last two days, i now have an entire kitchen to dispose of and quarentine. i had only the strength to cook macoroni and cheese before i was too choked up with nausea to continue eating more than just a few bites. i now have a sloppy ass room to organize. i only had a short amount of time before the aching of my body became more than i could bear, so my room is in shambles due to the installation of a refugium in my closet. the disease has struck me like a violent storm, leaving a swath of devastation in its wake.

and two neighbor girls down the street, whom ive never seen in my entire life, brought over almost 4 complete six packs of alcohol yesterday. since they were moving. i was stunned. i was confused. but i thanked them anyways, left them precariously in the door way and went back to bed.

today im much more mobile. today ill get things done. today things are gonna happen.