09.13.04 - 9:08 am

i took a shower with the lights off. i scrubbed my face extra hard with the towel. i left my sun roof open last night, letting all the rain pour in. i thought about school starting. distractions. i thought about brian last night and how i dont think it really sank in how i feel or what im up against. then i remembered that its more of a pickle than most know how to deal with. i thought about italy and sky diving. i thought about the time and how ashton should be waking up soon if he hasnt already. i thought about the feeling in my stomach, either from the late night bowl of icecream or the turmoil of dread. i searched the shower walls, making sure no long hairs were still left on the walls. i picked up the toothbrush, and silently considered throwing it away. i didnt bother putting any music on, it wouldnt have mattered. i thought about money and bills and debts. i thought about this mornings talk with my boss. i thought about movie rentals, because thats where i worked in my dream last night. i pressed my face into codys, held it there and said goodbye. he just sat on the couch and prepared for his day of boredom.

i need to go get some breakfast. i dont have any cereal left.