09.22.04 - 8:11 pm

i like just coming in my room, shutting the door and the blinds, turning on my music. and just sitting in my chair. its usually warm. cody is always within reach.

such a light, lame hug. i was embarrassed for the amount of effort i was preparing to put into it. i expected it to be mutual, but instead felt just the fabric of her new sweater and her fingers just trailing off my back as soon as they got there.

"just remind yourself that you hate me."

instead i find myself remembering why i hurt. because shes dating kevin. because she wants me to watch ashton over night for specific reasons. because shes planning a weekend trip to drink party and have kevin. i wouldnt be surprised if it was planned to be just her and him.

i wish i shared the same thoughts. it would make this easier. its working for her.