09.30.04 - 4:54 pm

shes thriving on this. shes using it as fuel. the more she puts in, the more she gets out.
shes enjoying every second of it. shes sitting back watching me crumble and chip away in larger and faster incriments.
and the pieces that fall at her feet, she steps on, turning them to powder.
her and kevin her and kevin her and kevin.
"no we havnt kissed but last night we had one hell of a makeout grope session. hows that for a slap in the face huh? dont hang up on me."
this is why you hurt. this is why it stings. this is what youre trying to ignore.
if i just had a list to look at of all the things she says i should change. if i just changed none of this would have happened. its my fault im here. its my fault she likes kevin. she "would have liked kevin even if we hadnt broken up." but she doesnt want me with anyone else until shes completely over me.
why cant i get completely over her first?
ill change this from a competition....to a race.
the winner keeps their emotional integrity and doesnt collapse in a pool of their own anguish.
kevin and her have quite the headstart.