10.01.04 - 2:26 am

i cant sleep. im just laying there. looking at my six photo albums. listening to my external pumps move 2400 gallons per hour through my fish tank. it feels warm and comfortable in my bed and under my large blanket. however, i find myself begging for the phone to ring, or my door to open and sarah to show up.
i think about calling julia again, in spite of knowing how fruitless it will be. i imagine myself there with her, sunny and warm, although i have to realize ill be there when its cold and dark.
cold and dark in someplace other than corvallis though.
i wish someone would come online and keep me company, but everyone has school tomorrow and has been in bed for hours. i only got off work two and a half hours ago. i drank a beer to keep up the distraction i had going and then found myself alone in my room in the dark. with a exausted dog on my bed, a dirty fish tank to look at and a silent house to sit in.
michael spear is on, but i havent talked to him in almost two years now. i doubt i will talk to him anytime soon. unless he feels the need to contact me, which he wont.
it would be lovely have elizabeth on, shes always a pleasure to spend time with.
it would be comforting to see an IM from russell pop up saying, "hey, i cant sleep. are you awake?"
eventually ill go back to my bed and my horizontal position and try for the third time. but for the meanwhile ill sit and debate against myself as to why im even in college. how financially crushed im going to be six months after i either drop out or graduate. either way, im looking at two jobs and no free time.
my ceiling is moving.