10.12.04 - 12:47 pm

what is the other side of the story? how does one get that other side? not so much the facts from the other side, but the context. the emotions, the back story, the feelings involved that form and create a difference in opinion. a change in perception of the events that transpired.
i saw kellie davis' younger sister today. as i see her every tuesday and thursday. i saw hello, but always scold myself afterwards. i detest her and her family for their behavior in a trial that ruined a significant portion of my friend kimberelys life.
but i dont know their side. i dont know how they feel about the event involving that trampoline and that church sponsored event. i dont know what they actually saw. all i know is what kim has told me. what if kim is wrong? what if kim told the truth in her favor?
should i have ill feelings towards the davis'?
what about sarah? what about her side of the story. people sympathize with her and her interpretation of events and facts. what do i look like in the words she tells her friends? what image am i painted as to her family and friends?
how can one pick sides based on anything short of knowing the entire lifestory of all those involved? the context must be taken into consideration, and is that even possible to an accurate degree?
people at this house disagree with sarahs behavior and presence based on what they see of her actions and what they hear from what i say. but they dont ever sit down and ask her how she feels, what the entire context of events that lead up to their feelings of animosity.
im just so uncertain of knowing right from wrong. i have my gut feelings, my intuitions based on how things make me feel. but i feel that i am invisible. i escape under the radar of my own ignorance. i can watch my body do the things i command it to do, i can formulate the words and express them verbally...
but i cannot see myself from across the room. i can not feel the words coming at me from anothers ears. i cannot perceive what i say or do with the context and emotional responses and perceptions of another human being. i can only interpret myself from my own perspective and this is a challenging fate to accept.
because in listening to someone tell me i am wrong, how am i to believe them? how am i to trust their judgement? especially over my own?
who is right and who is wrong?
kellie davis or kim wilson?
sarah thornton or jordan noe?
john kerry or george bush?
struggling to grasp concepts of truth and trust is my biggest battle right now. not so much the definitions themselves, but in how they apply to trusting myself to make decisions that are right instead of wrong. trusting myself and trusting the consequences of my actions are appropriate. that my actions and behavior will not be interpreted as wrong in the eyes of another, but applicable to the circumstances and appropriate for the situation.
truth and trust.
right and wrong.
questions of morality that are part of the developmental stage i am enduring.
kohlberg, you and me have some things to talk about.