10.31.04 - 4:53 pm

id be lying if i said i was a spiritual man. if i ever claimed that i go to church regularly, read the bible and pray on my knees, know that this too is false.
but i do find myself, now more so than ever before, looking up to the sky to say thank you following small spells of good fortune. i will catch myself, while driving, asking to please not get pulled over, or to have something please work out for me right before i do it.
i also, after spilling a huge stack of papers, or knocking something over which in turn spills a bunch of water and then breaks something all over the floor, find myself looking up to the sky shaking my head, "thanks. no really, this is great. jerk." knowing that that moment of misfortune my just be a joke of some sort played upon me by a higher power. some times its irritating, sometimes i can see how it could be humorous knowing i was just a pawn in a comedic theater.
im advancing. somehow. maybe ill become someone blessed by god. maybe ill just continue with this.
but at least im acknowledging....something.