11.09.04 - 11:58 am

its uncomfortable for some people because how malicious it was. how intentional it was. and how you both participated. you didnt say anything and either did she, because you didnt want him to know. because most likely, he wouldnt have continued. and you knew that as well. so you neglected to mention anything about her disposition.
which is fine.
but it makes people uncomfortable when they are told the next day of what they have done and with whom. it makes people uncomfortable to feel lied to by someone that they had at least some trust in.

it makes people uncomfortable that you both had a part in it, and that you both could care less. you both are obviously thorntons, and carry with you a mental capacity that falls incredibly short of having the moral values at least sarah claims to have. to call me immature, rude, fucked up and pathetic because i told you i didnt want the two of you over because of this uncomfortableness of one of my roommates is understandable. completely. most people would say, "i understand why someone would feel uncomfortable, its not a problem i'll find somewhere else to sleep. hey, ill see you tomorrow with ashton." other people would at least understand that i am not the only resident of this house. that just because i dont necessarily care if youre over, its not fair to just let you stay in spite of someone elses discomfort. they live here too. they pay the rent. they have a right to speak up if they dont want someone coming over. and its not a bad thing to say, no, just dont come over tonight.

also from my extremely limited experience with girlfriends, im pretty sure them telling me im pathetic is not ok, normal, or appropriate.
however, i have told you that you are "fucking retarded" "fucking ridiculous" "fucking crazy" and "fucking psycho". this as well is not ok, normal or appropriate. however, this is the sad condition of what you would call our relationship.
i told you yesterday morning you were fucking retarded for being a smoker. which you are. last night you smelled so incredibly bad that my bed still smelt of cigarrettes after you left.
ive told you how fucking ridiculous you are when i found out that you drove drunk. and yet, last night you arrived from mcminnville completely trashed. you drove at least 40 minutes in a vehicle not sober at all. not to mention filled with nicotine and carcinogens and angry because you and rachel werent getting your way.

on top of you bitching about rachel always thinking shes right, you are the exact same way. combined you both are unable to understand anything other than your own drunk thoughts on right and wrong.

in addition to this, you fill my son with poison and completely disregard any notion of shame or guilt. you smoke as many cigarrettes as you can, you drink to get as drunk as possible, and then you breast feed. he had a bottle with clean milk last night, and it never made it into his mouth because you refused to let him.
sarah, you are an idiot. i am ashamed that you are the mother of my son. i am ashamed that i still even hope you will get better. i am ashamed that i still even pretend to be close to you.

last night i made you angry. so what did you threaten me with? having to drive ashton down to eugene to drop him off, before my 930 am class. why did you threaten me with that? because you wield ashton like a weapon and use him against me. because thats the kind of mom you are.
i do not pretend. my friends know how much i am angered by you just as you do. unfortunately, you are the only one who is unable to acknowlegde my feelings and you are the only one unable to comprehend what my feelings mean.

oh yeah, and sean hates me.

let me tell you, im completely devastated.