02.06.05 - 9:13 pm

"so, how did you feel today?"
"today? today......today i felt great."
"great?"
"yeah, great. i dont know why, but, goddamnit. i need to thank somebody for this."
"somebody? what do you mean?"
"well, i mean, alcohol, girls, parties, none of those did me a shitworth of good. but today i just felt great. someone special has granted me a temporary moment of solace. im thankful. i called her today, i talked to her today, and it was....nothing like it had been before. there was nothing there during, and nothing residual. i felt great today."
"this is a good step. what happened before today, before these feelings that may have triggered these good feelings?"
"i dont know. i talked to my mom. i cried. i finally let it out. i finally let myself out. i opened myself to how vulnerable and weak and hurt i was to someone other than a goddamn internet journal and sarah."
"and you think that may have done something?"
"maybe. maybe to cry was what i needed. it would have been nice to cry for sarah. sometimes tears are the only way another person really sees just how much pain someone is enduring."
"did anything happen today that causes old feelings to return?"
"no, not really. except russell and rachel having sex. not so much that they were, as much as how long they did. because, thats how long blaine and her have sex, if not longer."
"so youre remembering that you once had someone to have sex with, and that now this same person is able to have sex with someone else for longer than she could with you?"
"yes."
"this is an insecure and anxiety provoking area for you, isnt it."
"yes."
"how long did the anxiety last for?"
"not very long. it just sort of went away, when i found other things that needed more strict attention."
"well, lets see how you do tomorrow, ok?"
"ok. see you there."