02.07.05 - 10:58 am

so i have this thing on my computer. a point of reference if you will. it represents pain, of the worst kind.

it sits there, titled *READ ONLY TO HURT*, and thats exactly what is does. ive read its contents only a few times, but the words have repeated in my head thousands of times. in the last two days, ive had an incredible urge to read it again.
but put it off.

until this morning.

and i could feel the swelling in my chest. the pressure. the increased heart rate. i read it twice and then closed it. my breathing returned. my chest still feels a little different, but i recovered nicely. now i go to class.
and at 3 pm, i face the cause of all my uncomfortable symptoms.