08.02.05 - 10:40 pm

"its only temporary..." my father calmly reassures me.

i am filled with regret. i feel like crying. i feel....not nearly as excited as i did earlier today. what seemed like a pleasant little cottage when empty, is now swiftly becoming a closet packed full of too many things i need.

"its stupid that u are moving there then," my mother chastizes me.

the redeeming qualities of this new house are small and nearly non existant. its across the street from a bar. theres parking off the main street. its next to a frat, so we may be able to leach off their wireless internet. its close to pita pit and circle K. its almost like a parasite just outside the campus walls. the neighborhood is full of drunk college kids. the landlord pays for our water. and, its nearly a full $100 dollars less a month to live there.

however, inspite of those seemingly astounding qualities, its flaws are many. spiders have overrun the crevaces. its small. my room is literally no bigger than a queen size mattress, which is currently what i sleep on. it smells. its small. i have a large black thing hanging from my 6 foot ceiling. there is a ceiling fan in my room, if i turn it on, i will be decapitated. for reals. there is no window to my room, just a bunch of spiders and wood and a broken pane of what once was a window. my closet is the size of my current shower: just roomy enough for a tiny little person. spiders and insects abound. and worst of all, i cant get anything down the stairs, in the rooms or even in the goddamn hosue.

i could bitch about this forever. but instead, ill give it a chance. ill make it work. but god help me, i will be spiteful. i will be bitter. and there will be plenty of mumbling under my breath.

ill tell you what i told the brain, right now, im bitter. im angry at ben and justin for agreeing to this. but once the depression wanes, once the anger dissipates, once i get settled in and organized, i will have one kick ass house in a kick ass part of town.

and eleven months from now, maybe, just maybe, ill miss that shitty little temporary place.