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08.11.05 - 2:02 am alright listen, i dont mean to complain about all the sexual success ive been having lately. its great. its fun. im 23 and i should be enjoying every moment of this endless surplus, because as i get older, it just gets harder to obtain. but the reason i complain, is not so much that having accessable sex is such a chore. the reason i complain is that it just feels so unnecessary. its always dark. theres just a mass of flesh. a body and a voice. it feels good. its satisfying. but theres an element involved that im just not succeeding in experiencing. some kind of emotional attachment. i guess it sounds silly that i should be wanting that during this phase of my life, during casual sex. but, im just acting. im playing a part. im doing a routine, whether its a good one or not, and following a mental instruction manual in my head. tracing over a list of steps in order to acheive an orgasm. an empty husk on some kind of mechanical autopilot. what i want now is passion. oh how passion makes it just so much more....incredible. when its not so much an orgasm youre after, but enjoying the body of a woman you never want to let go of, for all it has to offer, and for her to seek the same with yours. there is so much more energy involved and expended. the skin feels so much more alive and kinetic. simply put, theres worth in the sex with someone you care about. thats what i miss.
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