05.04.06 - 12:36 pm

defeatism.

"did you know the the gulf stream is shrinking...unless we end our dependancy...."

i didnt fill out her forms. i didnt sit down and talk with her. i didnt care to. because this terrible blanket of defeatism is robbing me of any optimism in the world. in relationships.

we wont stop using oil and fossil fuels until there isnt any more left. just like we wont stop deforestation until there are no more forests. just like we killed off all the indians until there were none left. just like we kill and skin and rape and murder and slash and burn....

theres no one who can honestly say, yeah, i think the world is a better place now than it was 150 years ago. i think we really have our heads on straight now.
things are only getting worse. and theyll continue. and i wont be able to change it. its foolish to think i will.

and i hate that. i hate thats how i think. i hate that i honestly believe this.

just like i hate watching that girl on those steps so close to my house. eating that rice with that boy seated next to her. wondering if thats the same girl that i just kissed and revealed my feelings for and who has yet to call me and express similar interest.

just like when you do everything you can to make someone elses life better. and in many important ways you do. but they do nothing to better your life, just make it worse.

this is defeatism. this is giving up on ever wanting something, because you know it will never work out. it will never happen the way you want it.

and all you see is ugliness in everything.