08.26.07 - 12:51 am

i feel flattered. grateful even. its confusing in many ways, because i cant figure out what she sees. or what she thinks shes doing. i look at myself and cant help but feel extraordinarily ridiculous.

i think i prefer our mornings the best.

and then, always, there is sarah. who always manages to take from me what i want most, make it her own and then exclude me. she does everything with her interests in mind, leads me to believe shes willing to compromise and then as expected, shifts everything in her favor at the last moment. its a battle im trying to figure out a strategy for, but failing at. there are a million guides for women to outsmart the fathers of their children, but the resources are surprisingly lacking for fathers the other way around.

its a terribly helpless feeling that is impossible to get across to her, to articulate in such a way for her to understand and empathize.

itll be nice when dustin fails. they always do.