12.22.08 - 1:31 pm

my stomach in ropes.

today i listen to Ludovico Einaudi's 'Primavera' as i read over her words. she weaves a counterfeit history, blending memory with fiction. she works in character attacks amongst lies meant to platform her above me.

"This isnt about you and I Jordan.
I do not think of you in an intimate way. I can read by the likes of your journal entrys, texts, emails, that you have some weird feelings that I dont understand and to be honest dont really
care enough to understand. I hope that last line can sink in and show
that I am not in this to make things hard for you."

"I am going to have to explain christmas to Ashton. I am not going to say why or who made what decision.
Just going to explain the basic schedule. I know he will be a little upset, as christmas at such
a young age is of huuuuge importance.
Please accept his reactions to his reactions only and not try placing blame on me, or dusty, and our family
on the sittuation."

"Also Ashton talks about someone getting him a princess doll present?
Your friends found it funny or something? He isnt a college bro, he is a growing 5 year old. Think about who surrounds him. Make mature and concious desicions about it.
Either way he talks about it alot and it seems to make him very sensitive."

"I do not know what your situation
is but I do know Ashton makes alot of comments that his dad doesnt take him to do anything and only has time for Julie. If the case is that you are in a period with lower funds or less
quality time working on your relationship to spend actual bonding time (not tv, movies, and games alone) and his excitement of what we do in our time is bringing up this whole "bribe" issue then I hope its cleared up."

fused with injections from her attorney and a persona she tries to create on paper, sarah grasps for straws. she struggles to smear my place as ashtons father and glorify her own. its effect is emotionally crippling. breaking down my self esteem, my confidence and stirring second guesses.

just what she would want.