06.14.09 - 7:03 pm

i saw a man walking with his spouse today. he must have been in his early sixties. he was tall. of slender build. with his modest amount of remaining hair he could very well have been the future representation of myself. i reflected on the current state of my health and physical appearance for a few moments while sitting in the parking lot of fuddruckers. i appreciated my youth for longer than i had in some time and found myself unprepared for aging. i didnt want my twenties reduced to the memories they are rapidly becoming.

but feelings like this rarely last.

as i stood there next to julie, brain, sphinx and brian late last night, i felt as i usually feel: pleasantly sealed within a timeless existence. i dont age here, either do my friends. im with the people i love almost always and when we are all together there is no hint of our aging, our decay.

that span of twenty minutes last night will be a treasured memory ill smile about when i reread this entry decades from now. two in the morning, the group of us standing in the middle of the road cheering. laughing. so pleased to be watching the endless wave of men and women naked and on bicycles. i gave out so many high fives my hands began to sting. i was thrilled when some bikers would tell me to get the fuck out of their way. i was elated that brian was able to witness an event that would never occur in mcminville, pendleton or seabring.
and then sphinx took off his clothes. laced up his shoes and disappeared into the darkening mass of buttocks and helmets. we remained, standing there holding the pile of his clothes completely comfortable leaving him to the night and to continue the rest of our evening.

im twenty seven years old. im raising a five year old, facing endless debt, paying bills and making credit card payments. i have a wonderful girlfriend and live in a fantastic city with so many great friends at arms length. im losing my hair, my beard has an ever increasing amount of white hairs and sometimes my knees hurt when i go up stairs.

but inspite of all that, i feel cemented in my youth. immature. eighteen.

happy.