09.29.09 - 9:50 am

David,
I would just like to make you aware of some recent communications I�ve had with Sarah as well as Dusty over the last few days. While I feel I have shown extensively that Sarah is unable to co-parent positively in spite of our differences, I believe that her recent increase in hostility towards me is something that will affect her ability to support my place in Ashton's life. To me it appears very indicative of her desire to marginalize and de-emphasize my importance as Ashton's father. Furthermore, grossly apparent in these responses are perfect examples of Sarah's unwillingness to listen to my concerns and her level of maturity. Because of this, it severely hinders my ability to communicate with her about parenting issues, even minor ones are responded to negatively. I will describe the context of the messages as well as provide portions of the relevant transcripts, typos/spelling errors included. I will attach complete transcripts of these conversations. If you need additional information like emails, please let me know.

Parenting time around school schedule and sports concerns
On August 11th I asked Sarah via emails if I could have Ashton on Monday, September 7th for a trip to Silverton with Julie's family - having him this Monday was consistent with the summer schedule already in place. She had consistently changed her version of our summer schedule to suit her needs, in addition taking days, even weeks to respond back to my emails. Finally, on September 1st, she decided that she didn�t want Ashton going to "an event thingy" the day before his first day of school. I would later come to find out that she took Ashton to the beach that day instead. Yet another example of her rampant double standards. She then went on to demand a new parenting schedule: that I take Ashton Fridays at 2:15pm to Mondays at 8 am - every other weekend. I did not agree to these terms, and proceeded to involve my attorney to pursue a Status Quo order. Under this threat, Sarah agreed through her attorney to maintain a Tuesday through Thursday schedule with her broad explanation of a pick up on Tuesday as "afternoon/evening".

On Ashton's first day of school Tuesday, September 8th, Ashton was dropped off by Sarah and Dusty nearly ten minutes after his class had already started. They live within walking distance to the school; I live 45 minutes away and was still able to be 15 minutes early. I had plans to take pictures and share in the experience of watching Ashton explore his new classroom, but was very disappointed. Based on the fact I had not heard from Sarah after my attorney�s response, I assumed I would be picking Ashton up from class. At 12:30 pm I would come to find out through communications to my attorney from Sarah's attorney that Sarah was in fact planning to do so as well, under the argument that Ashton has soccer practice at 4 pm.

Hopefully, there will be no drama at the school today. (Excerpt from Lisa Martin's email to my attorney)

So I let her, to prevent an awkward situation at his school that could have easily been prevented had Sarah simply sent me a courtesy text expressing her intentions. At 2:32 pm I sent a text, clarifying that she had picked Ashton up from school and would be dropping him off with me at five pm. At five, when soccer practice was over, I instead received texts from Sarah indicating that she expected me to pick him up, and after some harsh words from both her and dusty via texts, Ashton was dropped off with me finally around 7:30 pm.

Sarah: Why didn't you show up to ashtons practice
5:13:02 pm
9.08.09

Jordan: ....why didnt you bring him to me?
5:40:13 pm
9.08.09

Sarah: Its funny how you tell me over and over how "I'm holding you backkk waaaah" but you can't do simple things like come to ashtons supply night or soccer practices, not want to be involved in his fight class .You're pathetic
5:42:22 pm
9.08.09

Sarah: Show your actions instead of your bullshit thesaurus
5:43:48 pm
9.08.09
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Dusty: Where is Ashton going? You weren't at practice.
6:46:30 pm
9.08.09

Dusty: U at home or work, I'm attempting to get your child to you.
6:53:57 pm
9.08.09

Jordan: Im at my work.
6:56:01 pm
9.08.09

Jordan: I was under the impression that he was being dropped off with me at five, after practice. Not that i was supposed to go get him. Im sorry sarah was confused.
6:57:30 pm
9.08.09

Dusty: She wasnt confused. I don't think she minds, better Ash not sitting at someones job.
6:59:32 pm
9.08.09

Jordan: Right.
7:02:03 pm
9.08.09

Dusty: Blog it.
7:02:29 pm
9.08.09

Jordan: Dusty. Seriously? Id like to know where you think you need to be hostile towards me.
7:07:48 pm
9.08.09

Dusty: That's not hostile.
7:11:47 pm
9.08.09

It has never been that I am unwilling to participate in activities for Ashton. I attend when I can and thoroughly enjoy doing so. The problem stems from Sarah severely restricting my parenting time all while involving Ashton in additional activities on my parenting days without my agreement. She has never offered to involve Ashton in a more centrally located activity nor has she agreed upon my urging. She has never considered if it was a burden for me to drive between 30 and 45 minutes so that Ashton can attend sports. She has also insisted that I should not sign Ashton up for activities on her days, yet both activities she�s signed Ashton up for fall on my parenting time. Likewise when I suggested I was going to sign Ashton up for swimming at the pool near my house and wanted a more regular parenting schedule, she refused and said she already had him enrolled in a class near her home. To this she added that all of Ashton's activities would be in Sherwood, since his home is there and his friends are there. So I refrained from enrolling him a) because he would have missed too many of his classes due to my lack of substantial parenting time and b) I didn�t think he needed to be going to two separate swim classes in two different towns. I would later find out that Sarah never actually enrolled him in swimming. I do believe that this is a calculated effort of her agenda to diminish my parenting role. By choosing distances conveniently placed near her home and far from mine and activities that happen to fall on my parenting days, it puts me in a position of great disadvantage. It means that I will be spending my limited time with Ashton constantly driving him to these activities instead of activities I planned. It means that by choosing my activities over Ashton's athletic obligations I appear to be selfish and obstructive. And by having my parenting time restricted to only two overnights a week and Sarah with five, if I cant find an activity that falls on those two days to enroll Ashton, it allows Sarah to claim that she took the initiative to enroll him in something; making me look indifferent or uninterested in doing the same for him.

Sarah: Ashtons sports and activities do not affect "your" parenting time. You usually don't make it to his fight classes on your days with him and don't expect you to make it to his soccer practices on "your" days either. I also don't hold it against you. (email excerpt August 24th)

From time to time she has acknowledged that Ashton will not be participating in his enrolled activities while he is with me since I�ve written her several times to express how it further restricted my time with him. I was recently informed by my attorney that I am under no obligation to take Ashton to these activities during my time unless I agree. So a while back I wrote Sarah an email politely letting her know that if she chooses to sign Ashton up for activities during my parenting time, I would most likely not take him. I indicated that when I felt my time with him was more evenly distributed, then I would be open to the idea of mutually agreeing on what he would do. However she has accused me several times of appearing uninterested in Ashton's activities or reminding me how much she has spent on his fight class when he doesn�t go. I have consistently made it to every single game of every sport Ashton has played up until this point and plan to continue this in the future. I made it to nearly every one of Ashton's soccer practices last year and basketball the year before. But she still claims I don�t participate and ignores the glaring problem of how little time I have with Ashton and how I would rather spend time with my son than with his soccer team. It should have come to no surprise that I was not at his practice on Tuesday the 8th, nor that I wasn�t there to pick him up when she consistently changes when and where I am able to get Ashton. (When she gets mad at me, she will often change plans so that I will have to drive to Sherwood to get Ashton, instead of her dropping him off with me, as previously arranged. This happened countless times while I lived in Corvallis; I believe I left with you several examples. An additional example of this coming below.)

As for Dusty, as recently as August 23rd, he had contacted me about wanting to mediate between Sarah and I and help us both if possible in coming to agreements. Which makes his most recent texts with his apparent negative attitude all the more confusing.

Dusty: Alright I just asked as maybe I could get him out there...If it helped you and sarah reach an agreement.
11:15:08 pm
8.23.09

Dusty: Yea, I was just saying I'm just here to make suggestions not final decisions. I also was saying I'm always here to help. Sarah and you. If I can.
11:16:40 pm
8.23.09

It was made very clear to me last year that Dusty has a negative opinion of my online journal. Sarah told me that I should not attend soccer practice (I'd have to look for the exact date but somewhere around September of 08) because Dusty had just read a particular journal entry of mine and was very upset with me, implying there might be physical violence. However, since then he has gone from cordial to rude several times. The evening of September 8th a prime example. His "better Ash not sitting at someones job" and "blog it" obvious jabs about Ashton spending time at my work with me and my writing of events in an online journal.

How Sarah typically responds to concerns and how she blames me for his behavior at her house
After I picked Ash up from school the second day, Sarah texted me asking if Ashton was ok. I had received a note in Ashton's pack the night before that there were certain foods not allowed during his class snack time. I had sent Ash with apple slices this morning, when I asked how they were he told me he had chocolate chips instead. He explained that Dusty had brought them to Ashton sometime immediately after I dropped him off at school and that he chose to eat them instead of the apples because he "didn�t want to hurt Dusty's feelings". I feel that it is highly inappropriate for Dusty to bring unneeded replacement items to my son on one of my days - again, I feel this is another attack at my parenting authority and completely unwarranted. I attempted to nicely inform Sarah that chocolates weren�t allowed.

Sarah: Ash ok
2:31:14 pm
9.09.09

Jordan: Very ok. Ash says dusty brought Chocolate chips for his morning snack, just a heads up, candy chocolate and peanuts arent allowed. I had apple slices in his back pack.....
2:34:09 pm
9.09.09

Sarah: He did NOT , and I know the routine. It was a granola bar so screw off
2:35:23 pm
9.09.09

Jordan: Wow. I was just going off what ash told me, no need to be completely rude.
2:41:26 pm
9.09.09

Sarah: We don't communicate through him is that clear? And if DUSTY did something you are WORRIED about take it up with him. I'm not dusty.
2:43:48 pm
9.09.09

Jordan: I didnt presume we communicate through him. If anything i was merely passing on information you may not be aware of. And whether you accept it or not, you and dusty are both parents in the same household, youre quite capable of passing on concerns or information.
2:47:45 pm
9.09.09

With this sort of response, it�s very uncomfortable and unpleasant to discuss things with Sarah. Most of all, unproductive. I didn�t feel like this was communicating through Ashton. Ashton readily volunteers information and talks about his life and his day with me. Communicating through Ashton would have been telling Ashton it's not ok for Sarah or Dusty to bring him chocolate. However, Sarah regularly uses him to communicate scheduling plans to me, which I feel IS using Ashton to inappropriately communicate messages.

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Sarah: U do understand I mean every other weekend right? I won't have u ruining ashton anymore. His behavior is ABSURD when he comes home
6:03:25 pm
9.01.09

Sarah: He is completely out of control, soccer, at home, emotional.. Its out of control
6:06:31 pm
9.01.09

Jordan: Unfortunately its the same at my house. Julie and I enforce strict control on his behavior while he is with us. We believe it has more to do with inconsistency with parenting styles than one parent to blame over the other.
6:21:53 pm
9.01.09

Sarah: No its not, you're just saying that now cuz i am u never said that before. Niiice try
6:28:21 pm
9.01.09

Jordan: Not trying anything sarah, but i suppose youre slightly correct. Ashton isnt out of control at our house, hes not allowed to be. He certainly acts ridiculous at times, but its not as constant as youre implying on your end. His behavior is immediately dealt with via a stern tone, time out or loss of priviledges. Hes not emotional either, a sore loser when it comes to playing games or group activities, but thats the extent.
6:39:04 pm
9.01.09

This is an example of how Sarah accuses me of being responsible for Ashton�s behavior at her house. And while I agree with her that Ashton is at times unfocused, has trouble controlling himself and spills most things he�s eating or drinking, I don�t think he�s "out of control" or "absurd". I feel that Julie and I do a great job of shaping appropriate behavior, self-control and proper eating techniques. It is very possible that Ashton's behavior while at her house is merely a reflection of her inability to parent.

Due to the nature of this conversation, Sarah decided not to drop off Ashton at our established time of 7 pm at my work, and instead insisted I drive the additional 15 minutes to get him. The alternative would have been to not get him at all. Again, a common tool Sarah uses to punish me when she is angry.

Sarah: Ill be addressing some issues shortly
6:44:28 pm
9.01.09

Jordan: Good. Thank you.
6:44:50 pm
9.01.2009

Sarah: U won't be thinking. That u need to pick ashton up,
6:45:33 pm
9.01.09

Jordan: Im sorry, what did that last message mean?
6:46:19 pm
9.01.09

Sarah: You NEED TO PICK ASHTON UP
6:50:24 pm
9.01.09

Cell Phone
The cell phone was a big problem for me. Again, I don�t often bring up many of my concerns with Sarah due to the fact she has never welcomed my input or made changes based on my concerns. Typically her retorts are hostile and retaliatory. Dusty claimed that Ashton wasn�t getting a cell phone, even though every time I saw Ash he would constantly remind he otherwise. He would even call me, with Sarah's phone number, and claim that he was speaking with me on his new phone. So I asked Dusty about it on August 23rd.

Jordan: Hey, does sarah have a new number or are ashton and her sharing the same line?
9:09:36 pm
8.23.09

Dusty: she has same number. We talked about getting him a cell. I told him to call ya, he rambled it has his.
10:03:22 pm
8.23.09

To me that implied that Dusty and Sarah has discussed getting a phone with Ashton, but hadn�t actually done so. Following this I picked up Ashton from Sarah's house and as soon as he got in the car he made a call to Dusty with his new cell phone. He called Dusty when we got to my house too and made another call immediately the next morning. This is when I decided that the phone was off limits while he was at my house. I'd already had an issue with phone usage when Sarah told Ashton that he should call her whenever he was bored or when we weren't paying attention to him. In essence alerting Sarah that we somehow were neglecting him. I explained to Ashton that if he needed to call his mom or Dusty he could use my phone and also if they needed to get a hold of him they could reach him at any time through my cell phone. I expressed my feelings on there not being a need for a six year old to have a cell phone. Ashton would then tell me that the phone was supposed to be used only for calling Dusty or Sarah when he was with me. When asked if he would call me on it while at his moms, Ashton responded that the phone wasn�t supposed to be for me, just Dusty or Sarah. He was very upset with the no phone rule at my house.


Movies and Nightmares
When I was able to get Ashton on the 9th of September, I immediately noticed how clingy he was. He would never wander far off and tended to sit or play next to me at all times. I initially attributed this to him missing me and being affectionate. That night he crawled in my bed in the early hours of the morning complaining of nightmares. The next morning he told me he had six nightmares all involving dead things or monsters grabbing him or his parents. He said he swore a lot in his dreams, shyly admitting using "the F word". After another clingy day, by that next evening it was apparent he was having intense issues with fear. Normally he�s told to go take a bath or shower and is quite capable of bathing himself with little instruction from me. But he insisted that I sit in the bathroom while he bathed and when I tried to leave to check on my cooking dinner, he began to cry and beg that I stay with him. He crawled out of the tub soaking wet as I stepped back. When I went to go ask Julie to sit with him while I finished cooking, he followed me naked and wet down the stairs. At bed time he needed me to be with him while he brushed his teeth and even covered his head with his sheets as he fell asleep (this used to be his coping method to falling asleep afraid of nightmares months prior, he believed it would keep him from seeing scary things and then from dreaming about them. The last several months however he was quite proud to exclaim he hadn�t needed to do that to fall asleep.) I have never seen him this afraid before, not since he was around three. The only thing I can attribute such usual and intense fear is the movies Dusty and Sarah have been letting him see these past few months. Ashton has told me he has seen I Am Legend, Wolverine, Star Trek, the beginning of 28 Days Later and probably worst of all District 9. I wrote Sarah an email explaining how concerned I was about this, to which I have received no reply.

So what this last month has continued to impress upon me is Sarah's:
- Poor judgment with what movies she allows Ashton to watch
- Lack of maturity in handling adult matters
- Continued use of Ashton as a tool to punish me
- Inability to support my central role as a father and instead systematically defines me to Ashton as someone who merely drives him to Dusty and Sarah's activities.
- Consistent inability to maintain a standard parenting schedule, especially when she is frustrated with me
- and Dusty's attitude towards me as a nuisance, instead of a valuable and important member of our joined families

I would be happy to discuss any of these with you further if necessary. Thank you David.

Sincerely
Jordan