01.29.13 - 10:55 pm

gin wigmore. black sheep. press play.

take a gulp of wine. adjust the volume. criss cross your fingers and push. suck the wine from the hair covering the top of your lip and begin.

welcome back.

youll probably want a summary. its been well over a year. jesus. youll be 80 years old and reading this and so mad at yourself for letting such a gap of time go without record. youll be the anthropologist dusting off the death masks of kings long since dead and wondering what happened in between their reigns. youre a damned fool.

naked and famous. punching in a dream.

this song has such a beautiful intro. you had a girlfriend. things were great. you consistently sabotaged said relationship. with other women. youve been doing this since you can remember. i doubt this will change. your sister admitted shes probably the same way. shes probably more like you than you will ever be able to discuss with her. the brunette one that is. will you? wont you? you shouldnt, but you probably will. i tried to have an honest discussion with her last night. i want you back, but...i also want to want you back. i want to know if we start this machine back up, that i am committed to operating it. right now i dont want to have anything to do with that sort of emotional responsibility.

illl see a counselor tomorrow and tell her the same thing.

naked and famous. young blood. for all of today i was convinced this was just another version of the previous song. still great. i bet theyre wonderful live.

ashton. hes nine. ten this year. he had just turned eight last we spoke. so much has happened to him that he is completely unaware of. i will detail this later. all we need to know is that i am still angry with him in the moment. but then he goes to sleep and i reflect on the things he does, and i am sad i didnt do more to appreciate it. we go into grocery stores and he grabs my hand like a foot trying to find a sock. i shake my hand free, trying to get him to stop attaching to me so aggressively, to no avail. his hand finds mine. incessantly. i grow annoyed. hours later, i smile about this and wish i would said, "i love you" instead of "stop that already!" i have grown more aware of this and have worked to give him the attention he needs being without any female in his life.

demi lovato. give your heart a break.

ugh.

hes a brilliant child and i do nothing to feed this. instead he fills his need for attention and stimulation with cartoons, tv and DSI. i declared this would end tonight. he said ok.

this is a good start. lets finish up tomorrow. if you have time. in between your facebook and halo 4.

remember when you played halo 1?

lets discuss 30. and sarah. and julie. and julia. and what we are going to do about your complete lack of productivity as a instrument of the human historical record.

ok. lets.